God is doing a deep work.
Our house is still for sale and on the surface it seemed like nothing was happening. But I felt the Lord prompting me to start getting ready for our family to move to Ethiopia. So, I began by going through the cupboards and closets and taking things out that we don't use. I took photos of them and posted them out on a local classified site. I began getting responses and we started selling things.
Then I proceeded to look around the house, in all the rooms, at all the pretty things, the decorations, the heirlooms, things on shelves that make up the history of my life with my first family and the life my husband and I have made together over the past 18 years. I took pictures and began selling them. It was painful. Like parting with a old friend, a chunk of my heart, visible proof of a memory, and when they sold there was a sadness that came, knowing that the person who bought them would never know the significance, and the money raised would never be enough.
A few things I just can not part with ... yet. We will see if they can be packed and taken along with us, otherwise be sent to a family member for them to continue carrying the torch .. my Trinidadian grandmother's 100+ year old violin, my dad's handmade battleship, some items from my New York artist grandma's world travels and other priceless items. But for the most part things are leaving our house at a rapid pace. And as I look around I am starting to see empty nails where these comforting items once hung.
Lord, why are you requiring this of me?
But for you? I would give it all. Just to be in the center of your will.
At church last week, my friend Julie, the pastor's wife and worship leader, shared how the words of the song, Joy to the World, seemed to jump off the page to her.
"Let every heart prepare Him room."
She explained how that when she has company coming to her house, she cleans up the house and gets ready, clears out the clutter to make room for them to come. And then it hit me .... that is what I have been doing. I have been getting rid of things I hold dear. Cleaning out the clutter. Things that comfort me and make me feel safe and at home as I sit in my living room by the woodstove. God is allowing all the STUFF to be removed and now there is this gaping whole where they once were. He wants to fill that place. He wants to be EVERYTHING.
So the selling continues and it is starting to feel like freedom. But it is bittersweet.
I was at church this Sunday and Julie came up to me and asked if I would be willing to sing a special song at our Christmas Eve service. I asked her what it was called? She said it was in my range (I have a low voice) and I should listen to it and let her know. I asked her again, what was the name of it?
"Prepare Him Room."
I bent over and collapsed on the chair in front of me.
"Yes, I will do it," I mumbled, bent over. "It's God ... it's totally God."
She had no idea what I had been going through, and she had no idea that what she said the week before had any affect on me. As I told her the story, she cried.
God is amazing. Just when you think you might be invisible, He does something that is so personalized, so unique, just to let you know, "I see you."
I woke up with this song in my mind and heart this morning.
I Am
Holding on to you.
I Am
Holding on to you.
In the middle of the storm
I Am holding on.
I Am.
Thank you Jesus.
Our house is still for sale and on the surface it seemed like nothing was happening. But I felt the Lord prompting me to start getting ready for our family to move to Ethiopia. So, I began by going through the cupboards and closets and taking things out that we don't use. I took photos of them and posted them out on a local classified site. I began getting responses and we started selling things.
Then I proceeded to look around the house, in all the rooms, at all the pretty things, the decorations, the heirlooms, things on shelves that make up the history of my life with my first family and the life my husband and I have made together over the past 18 years. I took pictures and began selling them. It was painful. Like parting with a old friend, a chunk of my heart, visible proof of a memory, and when they sold there was a sadness that came, knowing that the person who bought them would never know the significance, and the money raised would never be enough.
A few things I just can not part with ... yet. We will see if they can be packed and taken along with us, otherwise be sent to a family member for them to continue carrying the torch .. my Trinidadian grandmother's 100+ year old violin, my dad's handmade battleship, some items from my New York artist grandma's world travels and other priceless items. But for the most part things are leaving our house at a rapid pace. And as I look around I am starting to see empty nails where these comforting items once hung.
Lord, why are you requiring this of me?
But for you? I would give it all. Just to be in the center of your will.
At church last week, my friend Julie, the pastor's wife and worship leader, shared how the words of the song, Joy to the World, seemed to jump off the page to her.
"Let every heart prepare Him room."
She explained how that when she has company coming to her house, she cleans up the house and gets ready, clears out the clutter to make room for them to come. And then it hit me .... that is what I have been doing. I have been getting rid of things I hold dear. Cleaning out the clutter. Things that comfort me and make me feel safe and at home as I sit in my living room by the woodstove. God is allowing all the STUFF to be removed and now there is this gaping whole where they once were. He wants to fill that place. He wants to be EVERYTHING.
So the selling continues and it is starting to feel like freedom. But it is bittersweet.
I was at church this Sunday and Julie came up to me and asked if I would be willing to sing a special song at our Christmas Eve service. I asked her what it was called? She said it was in my range (I have a low voice) and I should listen to it and let her know. I asked her again, what was the name of it?
"Prepare Him Room."
I bent over and collapsed on the chair in front of me.
"Yes, I will do it," I mumbled, bent over. "It's God ... it's totally God."
She had no idea what I had been going through, and she had no idea that what she said the week before had any affect on me. As I told her the story, she cried.
God is amazing. Just when you think you might be invisible, He does something that is so personalized, so unique, just to let you know, "I see you."
I woke up with this song in my mind and heart this morning.
I Am
Holding on to you.
I Am
Holding on to you.
In the middle of the storm
I Am holding on.
I Am.
Thank you Jesus.
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